When the Future is Hard to Get Ahold of

Having an established career and a full time job in said career, and a home to care for, what I struggle with is finding the will to dedicate time to studying, or pursuing a new degree. The ever-present possibility of failing, the looming financial black cloud of doubt in the distance, the ego-block inconvenience of leaving my field of expertise to join the bottom of the ranks of a new field (at my age). Every time I even think about the juggle of cooking/working/cleaning/reading/normal life struggles, never mind sleeping, and the risk of looking like an old fart sitting in front of books too big for her, I falter. Because the scaredy-cat in me says “Why are you even attempting to pursue this long lost dream, when you’ve already stacked the odds against yourself”.


A perspective on ‘weak’


Who is to say what is a flaw and what is a strength? What if my flaws can and will morph into strengths and their evolution will make me mightier than you could’ve ever fathomed?


I would like to live a life deeper than the ordinary. Searching not for answers, but for questions. My life has never been simply a day-to-day journey, but rather an exploration. Every day, bringing me closer to my goals, new goals formed, adventures, searching, thinking, acting, helping, trying new things, meeting new people, making people smile, doing my best at my job, complaining, moaning and groaning, feeling the intensity of a new day, energy surging through my veins, feeling the weariness of a long week, a tough day, a trying period, the joys of accomplishments, the sorrow of losses, the high of highs and the low of lows.

If you really sit and think about all the things that you can think, feel, experience, be, the fact that we can make choices- free will- and then have to deal with the consequences of those very choices. The sheer number of thoughts that run through out heads in a minute, the way our bodies run without any conscious thought from us. How can life be mundane? How can life be just living for the weekend? When really and truly, life is occurring in every millisecond. It’s up to you to look at it and see the intricacies in their infinite amounts and realize life is not a series of events. Life is a convergence of the moment before a moment, the thought of the moment, the moment itself and the after effects of the moment. There is no need nor reason to pinpoint the purpose to life, when we are beings that cannot grasp such excellence in its creation. Be present in every moment, because in every moment lies the potential to create the extraordinary.